Bella Donna CoachingAre your thoughts like a merry-go-round? Going round and round and round and round, never-ending, driving you crazy!!!
You have said or done the wrong thing completely innocently and now you are stressed and cannot stop thinking about how thoughtless you were. You cannot sleep, you cannot focus on anything else but what you did or said or …… should of said or done.
This is the worst feeling for overthinkers.
I have personally done some pretty silly things in my time and said some pretty hurtful things to people without realising it in the moment of how I had affected them without meaning to. Straight afterwards my heart starts beating overtime, my body turns red hot and my mind goes into overdrive. I ask myself why, why, why did I do or say that. They must think I am so dumb. I start thinking about what they will think of me, what they will say about me. I run myself down for days. I have sleepless nights worrying about it but I never come to any reasonable solution.
If you are ready to find peace, a calm mind, a good nights sleep and the self-confidence to reach for your dreams & goals then keep reading to find out more.
For an overthinker or sensitive person work or social group gatherings are a nightmare. What will they think when I walk into the room, what will they say about me? I want to speak up but I feel like I am going to say or do the wrong thing. So what do I do? I say as little as possible and I minimise myself to avoid making a fool out of myself. I stay away from these gatherings as much as I possibly can. At work I don’t speak up about what is on my mind or share ideas as I probably will embarrass myself. I avoid social gatherings as this is the only way I know how to protect myself from myself. Can you relate to this?
Overthinking is often a side effect of sensitive souls and caring people. If you didn’t care then you wouldn’t give it a second thought.
BUT you do. Often we are people pleasers. This is our downfall. You care so much that you forget all the good that you do and say. You start to look at all your bad traits. You need to banish “Self-Doubt” and “Trust Yourself” and your abilities. Start by building your self-confidence and your overthinking will start to dissipate.
Overthinkers are also easily influenced by the energy of others. If others are feeling down or negative then you start to feel down and negative too. Start analysing where you are spending most of your time and with who? Do you feel good when you leave their company or the place or not? If you don’t feel good then it’s time to change your surroundings and watch your overthinking and confidence improve.
Overthinkers are often perfectionists. If we don’t get things right we will beat ourselves up for days and focus on all we could of or should have done. Getting things right is often to get the approval, love and acceptance from others. Look back into your childhood and see why maybe getting everything 100% was important to you. Did you do it for yourself or to impress others? (But this is another whole topic for discussion all on its own.)
Overthinking can also be a result of trying to control everything and every situation. Why? If you have control of things you feel safer. This could also a bi-product of something that could have affected you in your childhood years. Life unfortunately happens and you cannot control every situation or person. So what do we do? We overthink it and try and control it. Giving up the need to control everything allows the brain to quieten and you to find inner peace.
Technology and Sensory overload. Too much media for overthinkers is a huge problem and can be very toxic. Try and limit your Social Media, Negative News on TV or the radio as this just fills your head with more information to mull over and over in your head. As overthinkers, we will start worrying about something that probably will never happen. If you can provide a solution to the problems then yes go ahead and take note and find out more information but if not then do not read or listen to it.
Take note of your thoughts. Are you always looking at the negative in all situations? Start journaling every time you have a negative thought. Whether it is the state of the country, your relationships at home or at work, how ugly or fat you feel or you will never succeed and improve your life. For overthinkers you will be amazed at how these negative thoughts are the obstacles to living a happy life. Start practising to turn these negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Example: Thought: I will never get that promotion at work. I am not capable enough. Practice: I will start studying towards the career that I would like to advance to one day. Action: Start investigating courses and apply to study towards your future career. Example: Thought: I want to go to that event but I don’t have the right clothes and I feel ugly and fat. Practice: I will ask a friend to loan me an outfit for the night and I will research tips on how to improve on my self-care. Action: I look and feel amazing tonight and I am going to go and have a great time. Example: Thought: I am not going to speak up as I always say the wrong thing. I am not clever enough or as capable as others. Practice: Research ways to improve confidence. Start a journal and write down at least one thing every day that you like about yourself and that shows my uniqueness and why I am worthy. Action: When an opportunity arises at work in a meeting or when I am at a social gathering I will be authentically me and view my thoughts and ideas. When I doubt myself I will take a deep breath, calm my mind down and speak up. Practice makes perfect.
Another Biggy and what most of us worry about and overthink….. MONEY!!! This keeps you up at night and squashes your dreams and goals. Time to start prioritising this worry. You can have and do all you want. BUT …………….. Step 1 is that you have to start by believing that you are worthy. Step 2 is to put time aside to plan what you would like to achieve. Step 3 is to put an action plan into place as to how you will achieve this. Step 4 is to stop just thinking but actually start doing. If you do nothing and not put your plans into action this shows that it is not a priority of yours and not of your highest value. So ask yourself this question ” Is this really important to me or not?” If it is not then stop worrying about it and spend your time where you will add value to your life and allow yourself to move forward.
Practice Daily Positive Self-Affirmations: My voice needs to be heard, my thoughts and ideas need to be shared. What I have to say and share could change and improve someone’s life for the better.
If you are overthinking and you cannot do anything about the situation that is bothering you then rationalise your thoughts. Ask yourself what is the worst-case scenario that could happen or is this life-threatening? Most of the time it is not such a huge problem. I suggest that you then to get busy and allow yourself to do something you love that is relaxing for your body, mind and soul. E.g Reading, Drawing or Painting, your favourite hobby, Yoga or Journalling etc.
Action Plan to Finding Solutions to get the stress off your shoulders and work through your overthinking. If you can do something about your problems or obstacles then: 1) Work through your emotions and thought patterns. 2) Write them down. 3) Write down your solutions to the problems or obstacles. 4) Write down an action plan for your solutions above.
Overthinking can be toxic if you do not sort it out.
Start learning skills to improve your confidence and communication. Find a friend or professional to talk to. These are skills that can be learnt and improved. Hiding in the shadows and not partaking in all the beauty of life, at home and at work, can be debilitating and stop you from enjoying your life to the full.
One last tip and probably the most important tip I will leave with you lovely overthinkers is to start learning “Breathing Techniques.” When your mind is going into overdrive, you are feeling stressed, you cannot sleep or you are going into a situation which you are lacking the confidence to do or try something new then take 5 minutes to do some breathing exercises. Find a quiet place, sit on a chair with your spine erect, your feet firmly grounded on the floor, your hands on your lap and your eyes closed. Start by breathing through your mouth for a count of 6 and then breathe out of your mouth for a count of 6. Do this until you feel calm and ready for action. Count down 54321 then go and share your magic.
In my experience from coaching many people and in my personal life I have noticed that overthinking and hyper sensitivity to certain situations have stopped my clients, family and friends from reaching their dreams and living a life of peace and a life that they deserve.
You are not alone as there are many of us who struggle with overthinking. More of us than you realise. You cannot run away from your mind. So start prioritising yourself and realise that you are worthy. We are all individual and need to share our uniqueness and beauty with the world.
It’s your time to come out of the shadows and back into the light.
Breathe & Believe. Shine Bright 24/7/365. Robyn xxx
